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Last week I put my old table and chairs in the garage. I cleaned my kitchen … I cleared a path in my cluttered garage so that the delivery man could get through with my long awaited new table and chairs …how exciting. I had been looking for a suitable table and chairs for ages. They had to be Frenchish and shabby chic. I found the ideal set on ebay. The table was only 90cm x 90cm, it had been ‘upcycled’ by a company in Derbyshire and “painted in Annie Sloan French colour ‘old ochre’. The top of the table is new and is made of Thick Solid Pine Planks to give a mixture of Rustic and Elegance”……Oh happy day… Did I mention the duck? you can’t buy them you know, no, they are given as gifts to the company’s customers. Here are the pics

Aaaaah the duck, isn’t he cute?

don’t you just love him?

It was worth every penny just to get this duck

What’s that? …. The table? …..It’s still in the garage, flippin’ thing won’t fit through the door. I was so keen on buying that I didn’t notice the description where it said the legs don’t come off. I must take off the table top and the garage door leading to the kitchen. Anyone know a good handyman? Hope it gives you a laugh, I’ve been chuckling about it since Monday :-))))

Here it is at last, it seems ages since it was delivered, well it is 16 days:-)

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Those chairs are lovely and the duck adorable, yes you did give me a giggle, as this is happened to my sister and her husband with a three piece my brother in law had to take the door frames off to get it in. Such a shame you could nt get it in I do feel for you, hope you solve your problem soon and you can give us another photo of the table.

2 Feb, 2014


Oh Ba.... wot you like! That is the sort of thing I do!Love the chairs and the Duck.Post another pic, when you get your table sorted.:-))

3 Feb, 2014


They look lovely,Ba,and your Duck is gorgeous..I wonder how many times some of us have done that ? Lol .Now,my could always eat in the Garage !.:o))

3 Feb, 2014


Oh Ba it can only happen to you me duck!

although saying that the people at the stables across the road have a bungalow and bought new three piece suite......well the sofa was so big it wouldn't go in the doors.......
luckily the windows are pvc and they had to get the window company in to remove the whole window.......
When they left the sofa stayed behind........

love the duck and the chairs xxx

3 Feb, 2014


BA, that's just sort of thing I tend to do lol! The Duck is simply lovely, I would have happily bought him.
Pics please when you finally get the table in. The chairs look great.

3 Feb, 2014


Lol, Ba . . . LOVE the duck!!

Oh, and the chairs aren't bad either :))

3 Feb, 2014


Now thats made my day, shouldn't laugh really as we had to bring our furniture around the back of our neighbours, over the fence and in through the patio doors, now we have french style doors( thats even smaller) so now have to make sure the furniture is all ok for bringing in before we purchase..
I love the duck and am awaiting the conversion of the garage into french style eaterrie, lol.....

3 Feb, 2014


Aaaw love the chairs and the duck Ba great taste, ooops shame about the table though.
Our daughter had a similar thing when her and her boyfriend moved into their first house, one of those 3 storey jobs lounge on second floor, they had to take a balcony off to get their suite through the upstairs window, I've still got this awful picture in my head of her boyfriend and his mate stood on top of a van putting it through the window eeeek.

3 Feb, 2014


Your chairs are very smart and the duck is lovely, hope its not too long before you get the table inside.

3 Feb, 2014


Oh Ba... that almost reminds me of Bernard Cribbins singing 'Right Said Fred '

I had to laugh at this..I would say that was so typically you, but reading the comments posted, I see this is far from rare..
Love the chairs and that gorgeous duck though..You got a Châteaux over there in the West Midlands now???? Ba Enterprises must be doing well, and all thanks to a few knitted Tankinins and teleporting Goys on a day out in Somerset....LOL \0/xxx

3 Feb, 2014


Yes Flori, business is booming lol. If you look at my last but one blog, you'll see that I do have a chateau:-))

Having read all your wonderful comments, I see I'm not the only one lol, I don't feel so daft now:-) For those who have suggested eating in the garage ...there's no room. I now have four tables in there, one of them's my daughter's, one is a potting table (I can't get near it now) another the old kitchen table (might come in handy lol) the other is a trestle table. I think that's the lot. Good job we don't have a car! I would be lying if I said that was all the clutter in there. I have a clear out every so often. Lots of chairs in there too:-)))

3 Feb, 2014


Put 'em on Ebay Ba!!!!lol

3 Feb, 2014


Flippin' cheek! They may all come in handy:-)))

3 Feb, 2014


Sorry "Me Duck" offence.Didn't know about your knitted tankinis.... hope you use "shrinkproof" wool!!!

3 Feb, 2014


What a disappointment ... but it did make me laugh lol
I hope you'll be able to get it in somehow !
I like the duck as well :o)

3 Feb, 2014


No table but you have the duck - you can't win them all ;)
Don't feel too bad - my new suite came last week and we couldn't get the large sofa in without dismantling the back door and taking off the kitchen radiator! I'm sure you'll win the day BA.

3 Feb, 2014


Gralew, my tankinis were long legged and long sleeved, top and bottom also met in the middle, fastened with velcro....can't be too careful in the British weather.....featured in Vogue:-))))

3 Feb, 2014


Hywel, the duck makes it all worthwhile:-))

3 Feb, 2014


Hi Scottish, I'm going to find a handy man, I'll get it in the kitchen one way or another:-))

3 Feb, 2014


Oh I remember the tankini!! Could you ask the design team for a waterproof one.......maybe with wide feet......all this rain and I think I'm getting webbed feet :0 (

4 Feb, 2014


Lol :-))))))))

4 Feb, 2014


Poor Ba has a problem,
with her shabby chic design,
cos it isn't altogether,
as what she had in mind..
Her classy chairs look lovely,
as indeed so does her duck..
but where the table should have been,
it seems our Ba got stuck!
'Cos it's sitting in the garage,
as somehow it didn't fit,
and now she needs a strapping man,
to help her out a bit..
For chairs without a table,
will mean meals upon your lap..
or maybe eating out al fresco,
or in the garage round the back! \0/xxxx

4 Feb, 2014


those are so nice, love the duck

4 Feb, 2014


Love the chairs and the duck is so well crafted ... are you going to have a garage sale or a table sale soon Ba? Or perhaps sell your tables from the garage ... seriously I hope you get the table in the house before too long ... :o)

4 Feb, 2014


Now look here Floribunda
It isn't kind to mock
I never I would become
A GOYER laughing stock

You should pity my predicament
For now I am not able
To supplement my worktop space
with my elegant French table

So I have to do the washing up
As soon as it is mucky
Not just pile it on the table
While I play with my new ducky:-(

4 Feb, 2014


Hiya Pam, I know what you mean designers are working on it:-))

4 Feb, 2014


Gralew, you see what I have to put up with:-(

4 Feb, 2014


Thank you Pondlady, I hope you like the table when I eventially get in:-))

4 Feb, 2014


Shirley, you're nearly as bad as that Floribunda:-))

4 Feb, 2014


Ba has bought a table
another that is true
to put into her kitchen
and then the air turned blue

the tables very pretty
just like the little duck
but when it came to getting in
it just kept getting stuck!

An answer came to me just now
what she needs is a saw
then chop of all the table legs
and sit upon the floor.......

4 Feb, 2014


Et tu Pam? It is an idea, I'll grant you that ....but what should I do with chairs?

If I cut the table legs clean off
and the chairs I'll do the same
But what if we sit for dinner
And can't get up again? :-(

4 Feb, 2014


Dear Ba is getting on a bit,
with creaky joints and knees..
But she could sit on cushions
and eat like the Japanese!

And if indeed she should get stuck,
and could not rise up fully..
Why then we'll just attach a rope,
and lift her by a pulley! tee hee hee \0/xxx

5 Feb, 2014


Ba on a pulley?
A monkey she is not
How would she eat her dinner
Its usually very hot

A pile of brick the answer
To table on the floor
Or have you thought
Another way
Is to remove the door?

5 Feb, 2014


Perhaps saw off the legs at the top and stick em back with superglue. I love the poetry on this blog, witty and amusing. Into favourites.

5 Feb, 2014


Hiya Dorjac:-)

Indeed the door may too come off
Along with table top
But sawn off legs and pulleys
When will this torment stop?

To sit resplendent on the floor
Just like old Japanese
Is this what you intend for me
or is it just a tease?

Hazel, a good friend indeed
a man has recommended
He rang today...hip hip hooray
my troubles soon be ended:-))

5 Feb, 2014


I just love those chairs and what can I say about the duck! He's gorgeous ! I hope you get your table sorted ! I suppose you could always put the table back on Ebay !!!

5 Feb, 2014


Rose you are talking about the table I love lol:-))

5 Feb, 2014


I think that Rose
is teasing you
she has her eye
on the table too.......

5 Feb, 2014


A Man that Can is help indeed,
and just what table-less Ba needs..
Somehow he'll make that table fit,
when he comes round with all his kit.
He'll push and shove it through the door,
though from him perspiration pour.
But Ba will have her shabby chic..
her French inspired home to tweek.
Her chairs will rest beneath its form,
her duck, a centrepiece adorn.
A tale of cautionary mirth,
but next time, check the measurements first! LOL\0/xxxx

5 Feb, 2014


Whoa!!!! I can't complete with you lot of poets.This is just the ticket for a grey morning.... lots of laughter.
Well done Ba, Flori and Pamg.

6 Feb, 2014


Have a go
If I can
you can too

Before I joined goy
not a line could I write
but watch the two masters perform
what a sight!

it brightens my day
and yours it seems too

so just have a go,
(between you and me)
the result may be funny
so what
tee hee :0))

6 Feb, 2014


Oh B/A that is bad luck, next time double check the sides before you buy, Have no fear all is not lost I have a cousin around your area. If you want I can get him to call, bottler his name is. I know he always carries a saw with him on his cart. I think he did a job on your driveway a few years ago, I am sure you would remember him, he has that lovely piebald pony. I will give him a buzz if you want

6 Feb, 2014


That was your cousin?*********!!!!!!! I have a lake outside my door each time it rains >:-[ (angry face) If I get my hands on him.... a right conman: So John me dear don't trouble yourself on my behalf (I did like his pony though):-)))

6 Feb, 2014


Your sympathy was what I craved
When I told of this to-do
An "Oh my dear how awful"
Or "how terrible for you".

But what I got was laughter
Mocked in each comment
You know I cannot take it
For I'm of a serious bent.

Humour passes over me
I cannot get the joke
I'll have you know you've driven me
To take up drink and smoke!

Bottoms up:-)))

6 Feb, 2014


Well I would have my eye on that table BA, if I could see it! lol
Years ago hubby and I did car boots. We went to furniture auction rooms, bought furniture for a £1 (I do mean years ago !) and hubby would do it up and sell for a tenner !
One day we were at a big car boot site and was amazed to see a chap who had bought a long sideboard from someone and couldn't get it in his car. To our and everyone else's amazement , he produced a saw and cut the back end off !
There's not a lot you can say to that, is there !

6 Feb, 2014


Sorry B/A, I was only trying to help you with your problem. After hearing how you were so unhappy with his work, I gave him a buzz to tell him what you said and how annoyed you were. He did apologies, and said he thought you wanted a water feature in the driveway. Fair play to Bottler he said he would call around cut the legs off the table and get in the kitchen and stick the table legs back on with superglue free of charge, what do you think.

6 Feb, 2014


Lol Rose, I hope I don't get that desperate. I always thought it would be a lovely job refurbishing furniture, especially making it shabby chic:-))

6 Feb, 2014


John, tell thet flippin' Bottler if he shows his face round here again I'll set my two very vicious dogs on him. Now on my icon they may look like lovely little jack russells, but I can assure him they're very very big ....and very very vicious. They've killed pitbulls and kerry blues!:-))

6 Feb, 2014


B/A I understand what you're saying. Now he is 20st and built like an English Bulldog, but has a heart of gold. He did ask if he could come on the sailing trip with us. But I suppose that is out of the question.

6 Feb, 2014


Tell him,Able Seawoman Bloomer,says no..definitely not!
If he is 20 stone,and as much as I quite like British Bulldogs,there is no way I want our boat to start listing..and don't even think of Ba and I sharing a cabin with him ..he's your mate,so .....:o)

6 Feb, 2014


Bloomer, what do you mean your boat, it is a world class tall sailing ship, do you not remember who was skipper.

6 Feb, 2014


Now just you listen hear..Jj.or get your specs on..I said 'our' boat,not 'your ' boat..Did you not get the Mayday message,that we are now a Co operative ? Not all for one,but one for all,? . Some Captain you are ! OK,I know that that was the three Musketeers,but it applies to Sailing ships,or boats equally..I am allowed to wear your Captain's hat now,as are the rest of the motley crew,but better still,you can wear my hoodie and High viz jacket...'such fun ' ...:o)

7 Feb, 2014


Un-Able Seawoman G reporting for duty Ma-am.....

now before we go Ma-am I have a note from my mum to say I mustn't get wet or cold and need three square meals a day.....not round you understand.....
and when we go on the water I'm allowed to wear my sealegs .....
Oh and I have to be back for sunday tea aunt Agatha's coming and she's a tartar......

7 Feb, 2014


Sorry Pamg I don't think you mother would approve. There is a lot parting on board, and you have to have your bus pass and a note from the doc ok... B/A is promoted to captains first mate and Mouldey will be offered to be Purser if he accepts, you Bloomer will stay at your same station as last time, with your hoodie and vis jacket plucking stick and bag. We will allow you to wear the captain's cap at party time for Mouldy and myself entertainment.

7 Feb, 2014


Your requests for your requirements,have been duly noted,un- Able sea Person are no longer allowed to be a you can be any gender you like,if you wish to do so. .no problem with having round meals,as there is still a product available in a tin..very similar in look and texture,as the Bully Beef of yore..allegedly..although the label is similar,please don't think it stands for Face there won't be a WIFI connection aboard..
What a caring mum you have,by the way..she will be pleased to know you can bring your sea legs with you,but owing to restrictions of limited storage space,they will need to be folded and packed in a suitable case,to be used as ballast if the need arises..
Maybe Aunt Agatha could join us for sea singing shanties?
I know I'm still being regarded as a lowly picker upper,with a 'plucking stick'??by some 'up himself' Captain..but it also doubles as a large cocktail stick,at parties..or/and a skewer for Kebabs..I must go now,as Ba,is dangling by her big toe from the Crows nest..I need to scoop her up in my trolley when she falls..oops,too late....missed.....splash !!! .

7 Feb, 2014


I only have a scottish bus pass johnjoe och aye the english are too mean......
I may get one in may though unless IDS puts his size 13's in......

Aunt Agatha's good at sea shanties she was a flapper in her day.....been dead a good few years now though does it matter?

7 Feb, 2014


Scottish bus pass is ok Pamg, next year you will need a passport to get into England so I don't think the English bus pass will be worth anything to you Your aunt Agatha is welcome, even that she has been dead a few years she won't take up to much room. We can roll on B/A table that is the one my cousin Bottler who cut off the legs for her, so we can sit on the floor and have a séance with your aunt Agatha.... Lol

7 Feb, 2014


Thats good then! Aggie will be pleased, she can be noisy though when she starts throwing the furniture.....

I've got dual nationality, thats how I got the bus pass!
lovely drivers where we go, pick me up and drop me back outside the house.......

7 Feb, 2014


Can I come if I promise to be good, I'm only a littleun and very, very quiet, you'all won't know I'm there....
Had a very good laugh at all the poetry, in fact I jogged back up for a second read as it so funny....

7 Feb, 2014


Lincslass you're always welcome
as we travel near and far
as long as you beat johnjoe
in the race to reach the bar!

7 Feb, 2014


Help.....get me out of here ....aaaaah thanks Sandra that thingummy stick came in handy:-))

Can I be a man too like Pam? We could all be men and grow our moustaches again what fun! :-}) I'm having the Poirot. I'll sing you a sea shanty, as you know I've just joined a choir ....ahem

Ahoy jolly Goyers
We're off to sea again
all much mustachioed
And all dressed as men

erm...yo ho ho and a bottle of rum:-)))

7 Feb, 2014


Ba with a poirot?
or captain birdseye on her face
maybe have to stick it on
to enter in the race

just watch for sneaky johnjoe
he has a start on us
I think he'll reach the bar first
I saw him catch the bus!

I would have caught the bus too
to reach the clipper ship
but I had a bit of trouble
with my dodgy hip!

8 Feb, 2014


Welcome Sue,but how sure are you,
that you want to join this motley crew?
Methinks that you and I, should desert
this sailing ship,
Moustachioed 'men' ,a Pierrot look,
and Pam with dodgy hip..
Not looking good,for making merry,
I'll book us in on a North Sea Ferry.
But keep it quiet for a little while,
Till Johnjoe has left the Emerald isle.
He'll only look for some solution,
to scupper our plans and revolution,
We could be on our way to Bruge,
before they discover our subterfuge,
I'll bring my bag and plucking stick,
the high viz jacket too,
Think what fun that could be had,
with a Compus Mentus crew ..
I am so going to be in the doghouse now,and subject to a torrent of abuse ! Lol.x


8 Feb, 2014


If its Bruge for us
then thats ok
I'll go for chocolate any day

with segway races
on Ostend beach
fresh prawns for tea
and a big ripe peach!

8 Feb, 2014


So it's northward bound on a seaworthy ship?
and much more suitable for your dodgy hip.
No splicing the main brace or other such stuff,
or lowering a sail ,when the weather is rough.
We could all live in comfort,and eat scones and jam,
and maybe change course for Amsterdam,
Chocolate and goodies await us ahead,
Just don't eat the Mushrooms,
they mess with your head..!

8 Feb, 2014


I knew you were a trouble maker Bloomer.

Pamg I know you are a nice gentle lady.
So I don't think the sailing trip is for you and your aunty auggie in your handbag would suit you. Bloomer is right a nice ferry trip to Bruge would be better for you.

8 Feb, 2014


Booo hoo:-(

I hoped it would be just like before
Florettes together again
Like the home for the bewildered
Only this time dressed as men.

My Poirot mussy :-}) has wilted :-{(
My heart is breaking in two
I'll scupper your ferry
and then I'll be merry
For you'll have to join our crew:-)))

Bloomer what a traitor
That plucking stick's gone to you head
I'm going to take it off you
you can have a banana instead:-))

8 Feb, 2014


Kind words from johnjoe
I thank you so my dear
its thinking of chocolate
its making me queer

I much prefer trains
even through a hole
the thought of a ferry
drops right through my soul!

I'm not much for ferries
just along for the ride
just a bit worried by the
height of the tide :0 (

8 Feb, 2014


That is very good B/A, a woman full of talent, I take my hat off to you.

8 Feb, 2014


Now where is your sense of adventure?
Where is the steel in your back?
Flori is joining the crew here..
so we can get this ship back on track!

Not that I'm sure I've got sea legs,
but am willing to give it a go..
And I'm sure we can sing a few shanties,
well at least the odd one that we know!

Yes, I heard your beckoning call Ba,
to wander on here to your blog..
To add my own verse to the ledger,
Flori Lauri will keep up the log..

So hearties, be brave and be willing,
to keep Johnjoe and Ba company..
as we travel along here together..
Bloomer, Lincslass, and Pam,
and now me..! Ahh haaaa me 'hearties! \0/xxx

8 Feb, 2014


Will we still get chocolate?

8 Feb, 2014


Yes chocolate aplenty for crewmen
So Pam do say you will come
We'll surely win the blue Riband
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

What a job I had with dear Bloomer
To wrest that plucking stick out of her grip
But now the banana
has made her much calmer
She's joining us all on the ship.

With plucking stick safe in my keeping
Bloomer's back to her dear self of old
We'll all be such jolly companions
With mustaches...a sight to behold!

So Pam unfold your poor sealegs
Unpack them from your suitcase
For dear Floribunda
has brought her goesunder
You can stick them in that (like a vase)

Yo ho me hearties wheeeeeeeeeeee :-)))

8 Feb, 2014


John has put a pic of Bloomer on and one of our beautiful ship:-))

8 Feb, 2014


Well.if you put it like that,
you may be in luck,
A visit to Hull.
and no muck to pluck !
But what about Lincs,?
no Bloomer awaits,
She's standing there freezing,
alone at the gates..
not a sailor in sight,
I fear for her fate...
I think she is needed
to be second mate..


8 Feb, 2014


Lincs is coming with us
So worry ye not
On John's photo she said
That she's hot to trot

And Flori is coming
Shout hip hip hooray
She'll soon organise us
Then it's anchors away

Have you grown your mustache yet?
if it's growing quite slow
try feeding with seaweed
and Miracle-gro

Mine's coming along now
I've waxed it and combed it
It grew on a schnauzer,
but now I've rehomed it:-))

8 Feb, 2014


Can I come along please
I'm feeling left out,
I'll grow a mustache,I'll be a good girl
And if Johnjoe is good he can give it a twirl!

With Ba, pamg, and Bloomer and Lincs..
A fine little gang, perhaps a few drinks?..
We'll laugh and we'll sing..
About gardens a plenty, and chairs with no table...

With Flori on board,
We cannot go wrong...
Plenty of rhymes,
We'll have a good time!

Please take me on board...
Don't leave me alone..
I'll miss all this banter,
The fun, and the rhymes..
I'll be all alone,
You wouldn't want that..
So take me along, and I'll sing you a song...

"Anchors away my boys,
Anchors away"

Did i pass?


9 Feb, 2014


Ba is the Captain
I'm just the crew
But when we set sail
I'll vote for you

Just remember the chocolate
and rum for Ba
if we don't splice the mainbrace
they'll be hell to pay!

9 Feb, 2014


The more the merrier
so welcome to you
but the mussy's essential
just bristles won't do

So get cracking Gralew
grow it nice and thick
mine's come along nicely
as you see from this pic :-})

9 Feb, 2014


I'll feed it with seaweed,
and Miracle Grow,
I''ll even try bone meal,
to make"mussy" grow.

So it's rum for the captain,
and chocs for the crew.
What about Lincs, Johnjoe, and Flori,
What are they going to do?

So its off to Morries,
for goodies and drink,
Is the sailing ship big enough,
for"goesunders" &the kitchen sink.

Cos once I get shopping,
the bargains I find,
And the thought of this trip,
as sure blown my mind!!!

9 Feb, 2014


Until Flori arrives, I'm going to start organising us, we'll need it as our mustaches are coming along nicely, which means it's almost time to set sail.

Gralew: ships officer
in charge of provisions
using your shopping skill
to buy food and fresh linen

Bloomer you're lookout
with your high viz jacket
using your plucking stick
I'm sure you can hack it

Now Purser's the job
that would really suit me
In charge of the money
while we're all at sea

But a cook we are lacking
it really is sad
but in stories I've read
They often go mad

you remember the tale
of the Marie Celeste?
well the cook went quite mad
And he 'did' for the rest

But still we must have one
Or how will we eat
we'll choose one who's tiny
not strong in the least.

Or they're traitors just like
Long John Silver the cad
but being a cad might
be better than mad

Pam can you cook?
are you on any meds?
for you don't seem the sort
to kill us in our beds.

Does anyone else
have any ideas?
don't leave all to me
come on buck up my dears:-})

9 Feb, 2014


Our Pam would be great,
in a job like that,
I've heard she can cook,
at the drop of a hat.
just give her the means ,
from your Purser's float,
to make a fine meal
in her chef's white coat,
I could catch a big Seagull,(Humanely)
from high in the sky,
to feed us all well,
with a big yummy Pie...with chips..:o)

10 Feb, 2014


Seagull tastes fishy
or so I'm told
fish would be better
If I can be so bold!

throw a line o'er the side
then haul em in
and I'll gut em
and cook em
with a big wide grin

but what I insist
If confined down below
I want washers up
all lined in a row........

10 Feb, 2014


I can't see anyone
who will go for this deal,
but all should muck in,
to have a fine meal,
If refusing to do so,
I think you'll agree,
It's over the side,
and into the sea....
Could I have my fish filleted please,and preferably without the eyes? ..

10 Feb, 2014


No problem Bloomer
we'll have mackerel fried
and I promise
they will be de-eyed

coated in breadcrumbs
with horseradish mash
its just up to Ba
to turn up with the cash.....

10 Feb, 2014


I know I'm a pain,
but these word I must utter,
Instead of the H.radish,
I would much prefer butter..
In return for the favour,
please let me know soon,
As my muck plucker,
is useful as a Harpoon....


10 Feb, 2014


Ok just for you
Bloomer my dear
we'll ditch ther h radish
if it makes you feel queer

butter it is
and a splash of milk too
and we must have some lemon
or hoo

now what sort of pudding
to have on high seas
some suggestions are welcome
but not ones that freeze....

10 Feb, 2014


Too fishy is seagull,
that's what our Pam said
So suggested a fish
should be eaten instead!

The logic escapes me
glad I'm not the cook
I'm not keen on fishy
'tho caught with a hook

Now Bloomer, so skilful
without any fear
plucking stick at the ready
Plucks birds fom the air

I've asked Dr Laithe
to join us on here
We'll all need a doctor
to cure mal de mer.

Now where is dear Flori
She must come to this blog
Let's hope she brings with her
The old Captains log.

As I mentioned to Johnjoe
on a seascape of his
I've bought in a load
of those jackets, high viz

And for those who find growing
a mustache too hard
I have walruss and Vandyke
and real avant-garde.

the mussies are growing
at quite a fast rate in
a heated propagator
They're quite fascinatin:-))

10 Feb, 2014


Ships officer I'll be, cos I'm not bad at shopping,
A bargain I'll find,
For my crew mates and me.
So here I come Aldi, Morries and Asda,
Look out for the "man"on a mission,

No baskets for me,
It's trolleys for sure,
Tinned peaches for scurvy, and carnation for cream,
What more could you ask for pud, on high seas?
Oranges and lemons, I'll bring along plenty
Good job it's just us, and not landed gentry!
No rhubarb for us,unless in a crumble...oh does the cook need "flower"?
A big bag I'll bring, along with the sugar, tea bags and other such things.
Like the chocs and the rum, and the nuts etc..etc..etc..
Not worked out yet what the "etc's " are!!

The linens no problem to put me in a flumocks,
Cos all sailing ships are fitted with Hammocks!!!
No Down or Goosefeather duvets, for this hardy lot
If you should feel the cold..... you can have an extra tot.
Ha.... just worked out the Etc's!!!!!!

10 Feb, 2014


I forgot about hammocks
I have a bad back
so I must have a bed
When I hit the sack

And a nice little lamp
so my book I can read
Three pillows at least
that's all that I need

Oh I nearly forgot,
who'll bring me some tea?
and make me some breakfast
While I am at sea?

I'm so easily pleased
for my wants are few
But I do like organic
and Waitrose, don't you?:-))

10 Feb, 2014


Now lookee here
Ba me dear
your wants may be
quite tiny

But if this ship
goes up and down
you won't be getting any!

a hammock it will have to be
for if its rolling over
the floor you'll end up
every night
lnstead of lying in clover.....

11 Feb, 2014


I've huffed and puffed with this ship's log..
I brought the largest trunk..
But the branches keep attacking me,
and now I'm in a funk!
Did we really need it all???
dear Ba, I'm quite confuddled..
This log of yours a royal pain,
or am I getting muddled?
Now stop your laughing Ba, old girl,
I did what you asked of me..
I thought I'd keep not just a log..
but brought the whole flippin' tree!
Now watch yourself my seadog friend,
what do you mean I'm crazy?
You carry on laughing like that,
you will need a tena lady! \0/xxx LOL

12 Feb, 2014


Dear Flo you are impetuous
you're sure to get a hernia
You should have asked what sort of log
Oh well dear that'll learn ya

Pam and I have both agreed
we talked it o'er for hours
chocolate is the sort we want
you have yours and we'll have ours:-))

13 Feb, 2014


Well Ba, you really didn't specify,
what log you had required,
and as I've not been a Cabin Boy,
wasn't sure what you desired!

Now if you'd said a chocolate log,
I would have understood..
and not dug up this silly tree
that's only made of wood!

I fear a chocolate one may melt,
and my ledger just a mess..
Then you will make me walk the plank,
or tie me to the tall crow's nest! \0/xxx

14 Feb, 2014


Chocolate logs
I can make
a lot of chocolate though
they take

and eggs are needed
lots to eat
can we keep hens?
its rather neat!

I'll cover the log
in chocolate ganache
lts luscious and yummy
but could cause a crash!

its moreish you see
especially with rum
which causes the crew
to fall down on their ...

14 Feb, 2014


Oh Pam you are our cook indeed
And as for chickens, we're agreed
Fresh eggs each day to make our cakes
and pies and scones and other bakes.

And Flori dear, you need not worry
To lose you now would make us sorry
You cheer us with wit and poetry
So forget Flori Lauri about the tree

Your silly faux pas? well it's in the past
no more to be mentioned unless and avast (?)
on Pams log full of rum, we look at your plant
and we bring it all up in a drunken rant:-)))

14 Feb, 2014


I like Pam's idea of chickens,
as on the deck they amble..
But worry if in rough seas,
our eggs may end up getting scrambled!

Just think how nice and tasty,
all those little chooks would be..
We'd get Jj to bbq 'em,
as we sailed across the sea!

If Ba gets too inebriated..
and poor Flori she starts cussing..
We'll make sure she gets recycled,
by using Ba as Paxo stuffing!

(Other brands are available)

tee hee hee..\0/xxx

15 Feb, 2014


I'm not sure I would like
Paxman on our cruise
he can be quite ascerbic
when he's been on the booze!

15 Feb, 2014


Well he is a tad attractive
But I think we would complain
He'd interrogate us nightly
then he'd treat us with disdain:-))

15 Feb, 2014


Who Paxman attractive?
Me thinks an eye test is due.
To me he is a terror, who often strikes fear,
So Ba ,A visit to specsavers...for you M'dear

Is this turning into "Lost in Somerset"

(OH YES!!!!!!!!!I read it yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

15 Feb, 2014


Wow you read all of Lost In Somerset?

Give that GOYer a medal:-))

Now, it's true he is a terror
but I like a bit of rough
And now he's grown a beard.
He does look rather tough

And I like a man with brains
and his nose is most superior
he looks down it at MPs
And makes 'em feel inferior:-))

15 Feb, 2014


I do not always comment as I do not have your wit,
But laughter heals a troubled mind as we observe this wintry s--t,
So keep the poems coming please,
Whilst we ride out stormy times,
No poet here, I have to admit but I'll try a few short lines,
The weather is bleak, not yet reached its peak
This trip is a must for the weak..
So carry on planning, boarding and loading.
We'll all be afloat in a week....

LOL, Best I could do ladies but thankyou for my daily entertainment and keep it up......

15 Feb, 2014


Well Done Gralew
you're a star★

To read us lost in somerset
deserves a just reward
for that brave endeavor
for our trip on the sea
we will let you off scrubbing the deck
before tea .... :0)

15 Feb, 2014


Oh Wow Pamg... A STAR FOR ME!
No deck scrubbing before tea.,
What other pleasures abound?

A trip down to Somerset,
With company I want,
Not Paxman..... (although I do like his beard)
Happy witty Goyers are the company I seek
Will the sailing ship hold all,
Now Lincs joined the crew,
She can be tea lady, I heard she makes a nice brew!

We'll let the wind settle
And the rain to subside
The its "hey ho" to Somerset,
A garden to find,
Where flowers are plenty,and the view is a must,
To find Spritz and Henry,
And OH (of course)

So c'mon me hearties
Be of good cheer,
Don't dwell on the weather, and everyday stuff.
We'll laugh and tell jokes,
till our sides they are aching,
While good old Pamg, gets on with her baking.

Thank you for my star Pam,
The pleasure it was mine,
To read your blog,..... It made my day divine!

16 Feb, 2014


Oh what a beautiful morning
the sun is high and bright
the birds are singing in my garden
makes everything seem alright!

So tally ho me hearties
we'll launch our happy crew
on gentle seas and golden sands
now wheres that Lincs.....we need a brew!

16 Feb, 2014


So sorry me hearties, I'm sure you will see
Why lincs is distraught as she enters a plea
I failed in me duties, this morning at noon,
As sunshine was blazing, ADMIT its a boon
My roses were calling me, t'was merely a blip
Forgive me I beg you, I abandoned our ship.

16 Feb, 2014


You're here now my shipmate
but where is the tea?
and I don't like english
its peppermint for me....

oh and a chocolate hob nob please :0)

17 Feb, 2014


Hello Lincs my dear,
I drink red bush tea
but it must be Tic Toc
or Clipper for me.

I know that sounds fussy
But that's what I have
now I can't drink my 'Yorkshire'
cos I must live decaf:-(

17 Feb, 2014


Now don't get too excited, but MY TABLE IS IN MY KITCHEN !!!! \0/ \0/ Pics have been added to this blog. Craig, who's been working here took off the garage door. I said give me a shout if you need a hand with trying to get it into the kitchen and went upstairs. Shortly after he came up and said "could you come down a minute, I'm afraid there's a problem" I went down thinking the table is cursed, had the tabletop split? was I doomed to have no table? As I came into the kitchen, there it was.... he said "the problem is I can't find any flowers to put on it" I hit him lol ...anyway I put the duck on it:-))

17 Feb, 2014


Oh,that's great .Ba.what a relief to get it in it's rightful place,and I must say it looks rather splendid ! You will enjoy eating your first meal there..I bet it's been a bit chilly sitting on your floor tiles :o) The duck looks just right there too...xx

17 Feb, 2014


I bet you were excited Ba and as to the handyman I would also have clipped his ear, scaring you like that,lol, it does look grand and Ducky looks well pleased now.......

17 Feb, 2014


Well done Craig..... does this mean our trip is cancelled????????????? I'm distressed.I've bought all the provisions......shall we have a table party?:-)))))

17 Feb, 2014


Thank you for your comments Ducky says thanks too Sandra :-) Lincs, I did hit him lol:-)...and no, of course the trip isn't cancelled Gralew.... full steam ahead! splice the main brace! ... weigh the anchor! and other other nautical exclamations:-)))

18 Feb, 2014


Love the table Ba but you will have to stop this habit of beating people up.......we'll have to press gang the crew at this rate!

18 Feb, 2014


LOL, naughty Ba, (smirk)........

19 Feb, 2014


Table looks great B/A, I new bottler would not let you down.

19 Feb, 2014


Did he mind being beaten up Jj .........

19 Feb, 2014


I don't think he got beating up Pam, he is 20st, he did say B/A was very nice and grateful, and gave him a mug of tea and biscuit.

19 Feb, 2014


Ah that explains it......I'm not saying she's a wimp or anything.......

19 Feb, 2014


Flippin' 'eck, I'm being haunted by that Bottler ....Johnjoe, for the last time, it wasn't him! He did call with some tale or other, but one look at my face...and he fled in terror:-)))

19 Feb, 2014


Oh Bornagain, you can be a very hard woman, poor Bottler B/A he has a heart of gold, all is not lost, he has put flyers in your neighbours letter boxes offering services as a handyman. He did use your name as a recommendation for his quality work. is that ok.

20 Feb, 2014


Thin ice Jj.......the wrath of Ba can move mountains......

20 Feb, 2014


Johnjoe, you must never mention that mans name again neighbours have all stopped talking to me:-((

21 Feb, 2014


Hello Pam:-)

21 Feb, 2014


Well bless my soul, I am amazed..
Ba's table's taken centre stage!
No longer in the garage stuck..
but in the kitchen with her Duck!

It really does look quite a treat,
and compliments her lovely seat(s)..
When you employ a Man-that-Can..
you'll see completion of your plan!

I'm chuffed to bits, what a delight,
just waiting for my meal invite..
She will expect us all for tea,
'fore we embark upon the sea..

Before our voyage we indulge,
at last her problem now resolved
What once a cautionary fable,
is fait-accompli for her French chic table! \0/xxxx

21 Feb, 2014


I'm pleased dear Flo you like my table
The man was handy and certainly able
And gladly I'd send out invites
For tea and cake and savoury bites
But my table's small, the chairs are four
The crew is forty 'men' or more
So therefor I am not quite able
to seat you all 'round my square table
On this dilemma, I've wracked my brain ...
You must queue outside in the pouring rain
Then I'll let you in, yes two by two
The way that Noah was forced to do
But not for breeding, you must be good
And wipe your feet, they'll be covered in mud
And your big ships log don't try to bring in
Or we'll have to take off the damn door again:-))

22 Feb, 2014


Tea and buns
all soggy and wet
is something we
may all regret

I like my scone
all fresh and fluffy
now that make me sound
old and stuffy

but soggy scones
and mouldy jam
will not I promise you
suit Pam .........

22 Feb, 2014


To wait outside in wind and rain,
I fear that rust, poor Flori gains..
and rusty Flori would not do,
as part of your large 'manly' crew.

Maybe the garage would be better..
to save us all from getting wetter,
whilst waiting for our tea and cake,
as in your treats we can partake..

Your table looks a perfect fit..
though if it's coming on our ship..
your Man That Can might you not thank..
and make you dear Ba walk the plank! \0/xxx

22 Feb, 2014


I have to comment brilliant! got to the bit where BA wrote seagulls too fishy so have fish instead burst out laughing. I've been reading for about half an hour and have still haven't finished you are all amazing lol :))))

27 Feb, 2014


Hi Daylily
glad to have you aboard
I'm the cook
and the food I hoard

thats ok
theres lots to eat
but keeping them
out of the galleys
a feat!

Have you a skill
you can bring to the crew?
we may need a bailer
if we get in a stew!

28 Feb, 2014


I could be your assistant cook I do a lovely stew!
And home made curry too
However could get in a pickle it has to be said
Because, unfortunately I am allergic to egg!

How about that I'm a poet and didn't know it, lol

28 Feb, 2014


Oh dear!!!!! Left behind again I fear,
Laughing my socks off,
With eyes all a tear
Cannot compete with the daily blogs,
As down in the galley I fell over the dog.

Tis difficult for this tealady you see
To write such a verse,
Whilst making the tea,
The storms have abated, so lets yell ahoy,
Think now its the time to enlist a new boy.....

28 Feb, 2014


Daylily you're a hero
reading comments of the mad
to think we've entertained you
well it makes my poor heart glad

Now I'm very fond of curry
not the Edwina kind
and wasn't she involved with eggs?
Your allergy's a bind

If your face goes red when you eat the cakes
Our champion cook produces
we'll tie you to the flagpole
even illness has its uses

For the very thing we do not have
is a flag of brightest scarlet
so come aboard, you're what we need
A scarlet woman who's not a harlot:-))

28 Feb, 2014


Phew finished reading, lol made my day today little things in life that make us smile :))) Fantastic you lot :) and your table (and ducky) is divine, look forward to the next trip!!

28 Feb, 2014


I knew something was missing!
I really thought a lot
a figurehead upon the boat
Daylily just that spot!

If the tealady
can stay upright
without the seadog
giving fright

she'll bring you up
a cup of tea
with biscuits
maybe two ......or three

(Well its cold up there :0)

28 Feb, 2014


Hello dear Daylily,
nice to have you aboard,
I don't think we've sailed yet,
so still in port moored.
Another brave soul,
who has read this mad blog..
Hi, I'm Flori-lauri,
Official keeper of logs!

I would watch out for that Ba,
cos our Captain's quite mad..
she'll run you up the mainbrace,
you'll end up as our flag!
Our Pam is as cunning,
I so hope you can wrestle,
just think of the sea spray,
when strapped to our vessel!

Poor L/lass is finding
the galley too small..
Because the old seadog,
Jj made her fall.
She is after a young lad,
to help out with her tasks..
but its so good to hear,
we're still making her laugh! \0/x

28 Feb, 2014


I'm very glad as I'm the flag,
That we have not yet sailed,
But don't know whether I can stomach that,
As the seaspray will prevail,
But even so I shall come aboard,
As I wouldn't miss it for the world!
(especially as there's tea and biscuits)

28 Feb, 2014


Welcome aboard Daylily, I'm all out of poems!!Think I'll leave it to the other crew members to carry on!!!!!Sorry

1 Mar, 2014


Oh Gralew don't desert us
we are not sinking .......yet
it could be what will happen
if more crew we do not get!

who will look out for us
Cap'n Ba is so hard
we need your lively presence
So as not to scare the bard

we'll give you tea and biscuits
and let you write in prose
and on your pretty tea tray
You can even have a rose......

1 Mar, 2014


B/A, I leave you In charge for a couple of weeks, what have you done.
Admiral Fiddlefingers will go mad.

I am over here and will be back there.
to see what you done,
with all the rum,
no tea biscuits or buns,
only rum and fun.

So tidy up there before we get there ,
or Pluckerstick will pull out her hair,
and that would not be fair,

1 Mar, 2014


Oh John, dear Captain Pluckingstick
has vanished from the scene
I've taken over 'til she's back
Tho' we don't know where she's been

Perhaps she's out recruiting
We really need more crew
Have you tried pressganging Mouldy
We're desperate so he will do:-))

1 Mar, 2014


Gralew you can't chicken out
How long is your mustache?
You could write an ode on mussies
Go on dear, have a bash.

Now there are not many poets
using mussies as a muse
You'll be the first,
with pride we'll burst
When we see you on the news:-))

1 Mar, 2014


Just came across this blog....what a hoot! Loved it BA.
And your new beautiful set...especially the duck.

8 Mar, 2014


An ode on Mussies,
I'll try hard my dear!
Please bear with me,
While I scratch my ear...

It's curling quite nicely
but itching like hell!
Theres robins and blue tits,
Pidgeons galore,
Looking for peanuts, seeds, and bugs by the score.

Methinks, it will be gone soon,
As the sun starts to shine,
No comb will go thru it,
No wax makes it shine,
It's just like a birds nest,
On this beautiful face of mine!!

OH is quite jealous,
His growth is quite white,
So I think it's off with mussie
Before we dine out tonite!!

8 Mar, 2014


How do folk with mussies
dine out
without fuss

it cannot be easy
not to look like a wuss

I had an idea
such a real coup
mussies are useful
for straining your soup.......

8 Mar, 2014


Welcome Klahanie
are you joining our crew?
We can't yet set sail
as our crew are too few.

But we must dress as men
as dear Bloomer decreed
and we need some more men
And you're the sort that we need

You know the Americas
That could be most useful
and with your moustach
you'll look much more youthful

For a mussy can hide
all those lines 'round ones mouth
erm ... not that I need to
nought here has gone south.

But for all of you others
A mussy is kind
such a pity you can't
grow one on your behind:-))

8 Mar, 2014


Now Gralew you poem
is most welcome on here
and although it's inhabited
your mussy's 'the gear'

For on board there's no music
and with birds in your thicket
there will be a dawn chorus
t'would be just the ticket

just think, if your mussy
A nightingale captures
as we lie in our hammocks
T'will send us in raptures

So don't shave it off dear
what e'er else you do
then you'll be a big hit
with the rest of the crew :-))

8 Mar, 2014


Pammy how silly
have you really not heard?
B.A. enterprizes
solves your problem absurd

We invented a tube
to keep mussies quite dry
you can suck liquid through it
You can have one to try

we also have headbands
with two dangles so thin
at each end is a pocket
you can tuck your 'tache in

In fact all of your gear
Can be purchased with ease
From B.A. Enterprizes
Our aim is to please:-))

8 Mar, 2014


Do you realise I've spent about an hour messing about on here?!!! Do you think I've got nothing better to do?:-))

8 Mar, 2014


Thanks B/A, for the photo. I am so impressed with the wet suit from B.A. enterprizes, I have uploaded the photo for Admiral Fiddlefingers approval

8 Mar, 2014


Sorry sorry sorry Cap'n
please don't make me walk the plank
last time if you remember
I only went and sank!

if it hadn't been for my mussie
sticking out of the sea
it would have been the end
Of me, my friend

and then where would we be.......

8 Mar, 2014


You people are crazy, mad
but what a fun reading it I had.

8 Mar, 2014


Ahoy there aboard the Good Ship Goy,
Ahoy me hearties AHOY!!!!!!
tis time to set sail, me thinks you'll agree,
As we now have a new cabin boy...

The rollcalls online, teajob thats mine.
Our cook is a lady so fine,
She bakes a mean scone, scolds in very low tone,
But alas won't give J'J his phone...

Ought we warn the crew,that our ship is unstable,
The problem you see its a hoot,
Our galley is full, theres no room for our loot,
Coz Captain, the ducks on the table......

9 Mar, 2014


The weathers set fair
so we won't turn a hair
we better get off pretty quick

if we leave it for long
and break out in song all we will gets jolly sick!
(Well you know the Cap'n.....)

I still fancy Bruge
the chocolates are huge
and such a variety to choose

choc buttons for me
well just two or three
they are big
and creamy
and nice

Then for afters I'll make
(For our dear Cap'ns sake)
A huge bowl of real ice cream

rum n raisin for her
well it could cause a stir
as the raisins are soaked in neat rum

You can all now decide
what you'd like on the side
biscuits or more of the rum......hic!

9 Mar, 2014


Pamg, Please don't forget blackcurrant for the rum, and Lincslass can I have my phone back or there will be blue murder, its not funny.

9 Mar, 2014


Black currant in rum?
have you passed it by the Captain , she's very strict........

9 Mar, 2014


Blackcurrant is fine
for I know that the navy
Give out vitamin C
just to ward off the scurvy
And limes are a source
of the vitamin C
So we must order gin
When we set out to sea

Now ginger is good
to treat mal de mer
so it's whisky we need ...
and I'm partial to beer
They make it from hops
and barley and malt
t'will put hair on the chest
of the girliest old salt

We've missed out the fruit
that's in fine wine and brandy
we'll drink five a day
in a glass .... now that's handy
For our tums will be empty
and we'll need the space
for the cakes and the chocolate
that we'll stuff in our face:-))

9 Mar, 2014


I found a good supply of gin
from Shetland
they just put herbs in

I found a supplier
of tonic the best!
the even have ginger
and all of the rest

its all made from fresh stuff
no nasties allowed
it really makes it
stand out from the crowd

theres just one small problem
a whipround we'll need
provisions for all that
expensive indeed!

10 Mar, 2014


Erm...if it's money you're wanting
then I am your man
I'll go round all Goyers
a-shaking the can:-))

10 Mar, 2014


Or we could try distilling it ourselves......

10 Mar, 2014


Now you've volunteered
to make all of our booze,
with the money we save
we could go on a cruise.

After our voyage
would be for the best
cos with all of the sailoring
We'll all need a rest:-)

11 Mar, 2014


We need to sail out
so we are not near to land
so we don't get arrested
for making contraband

remember the old days
moonshine in the hills
was not just a nice walk
you fell over the stills

but if thats what you want
your wish to command
to keep us in grog
for our happy band

11 Mar, 2014

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