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writing about our Honey Bear


It’s been a river of tears around here. One of Cambria’s friends, Carly, is on facebook with her and Cambria started to cry….Carly had asked her how Honey Bear is.
I stayed home and cried my tears and when Dan came home he sobbed out the story to me. Dan let Honey Bear sniff around the trees at the vets, the vet came outside. They let her sniff and Dan lifted her into the back of the car. He sat in with her, petting her. No restraining her, she didn’t have to lay down, just sat there with her. He had his one arm under her neck petting her and his other hand running over her petting her. The vet came around to the other side, all doors and windows open, he put the needle in her front leg and she dropped instantly. Dan said that as soon as that needle touched her, her whole body dropped just like that. Her head fell into her arm. The shock of how fast it was really hit Dan and her eyes were even still open.
He cried so hard sobbing this out to me. Then he went over to my cousins and dug the hole, then the hard part of going back to the car to carry her and lay her in the hole.
It’s odd already not having her here. No Bear to greet us or go in the car or let out or take for a walk.

I typed that out to a friend last night so I copy and pasted
it so I wouldn’t have to type it out again.
It’s Friday now and I’m sitting here in tears.
As soon as I woke up this morning and opened
the blinds I always turn to look at her
and she wags her tail and looks at me, then she is
up and bouncing around to go outside.
My whole morning routine of getting up
and her “gotta go outside” dance that she does
just isn’t there. I always come down and let her
out first and check to see what is flowering
while she is out there and then she wants her
morning petting and licks me…is gone.
Hit me like a ton of bricks this morning.
Last night while we were watching tv, no Bear
laying at my feet or coming over to ask to go
out. I came out into the kitchen to make tea
and she always follows me and watches me, then
follows me back into the livingroom.
I went down to get the laundry out of the dryer
last night. I didn’t even want to go down the
basement steps to the laundry room, because she
always followed me down and it felt to lonely
and empty not having her at my heels.
Going up to bed last night and not having her
there to follow us up. 15 1/2 years of a routine and
having her behind me as I go up and down stairs.
Every time I went out on the balcony upstairs to
water the plants she always came out with me.
Every time I went out on the front step she’d
stand there with her ears perked up looking
at me, “do I get to come out too” and I’d wait,
every time, for her to come out the door too.

I’m suppose to go and get groceries today.
I can’t stop crying though.
I want to thank Hazel, but she’ll have me crying
in her ear.
Dan put up a little make shift cross where he
buried her. He said he just couldn’t walk away
without leaving something to mark where she is.
He said it felt to awful to just walk away from
the spot he put her and he felt she deserved
something to mark where she is and she deserved
some mark that she was here and affected out lives
for so long.

Every day when I sit here on my computer she’d
come over and lay under my chair.
It’s so odd not hearing her nails click across the
kitchen floor.
I’ll never get myself together enough today to
go out and get groceries. Just facing going out
and then coming back and not having her here
to be all happily waging her tail and bouncing
around, happy we are home is tough.

More blog posts by shaylaina



Oh Shaylaina, you've made me cry too :(
I'm SO sorry for you xx

21 Aug, 2009


It comes across how much Honey Bear was loved by you all... I really do understand how you are feeling...

It's good you have so many wonderful memories of her...
Thinking of you at this difficult time... xxx

21 Aug, 2009


Shaylaina i am so sorry xx.
i DO know how you feel right now hugggggggggg

21 Aug, 2009


So sorry and yes i know that feeling very much xx

21 Aug, 2009


Oh Honey, I can see your heart is so very broken, it is good to cry & remember. So awfully sorry, Honeybear is still with you, forever, just now in a distant way. We R crying with U, it is part of healing.

21 Aug, 2009


Shaylaina, my heart goes out to you, your loss is so great it feels unbearable. Honeybear was greatly loved in a wonderful home and will be greatly missed, she had all she could have wished for and more.

21 Aug, 2009


I too understand its hard and lonely and I am so sorry. You will miss her its ok to cry she deserved it. Her essence will be with you always and will be a comfort as you heal. More people understand your heartbreak than perhaps you realise.

21 Aug, 2009


Thank you.
I know it's natural to feel this way and, since pets age faster then us, so many people have gone through this.
It's hard to loose anyone, family, friends or pets...all on a different level...but it's a big change of life and loose no matter who it is.
We've been talking about all the pros and cons of getting another dog, the cost, the training, the puppy chewing, the time, hot summers, cold winters, our age, our energy, our space here - which isn't big and no back yard to speak of -
I've always had dogs and cats since the day I was born, so has my boyfriend. I always worry about who will look after it and where it will go if something happens to us.

We do not travel, we don't have the money, we don't go on holidays or vacations or away, so we certainly are here for any dog we get. I don't work, I have Chronic fatigue syndrome and am home to train and be with a pet.

The cost, the dog food, the vets if needed.

If we do get another one it will be small. I like the Maltese. There was a Maltese Chitz tou....not sure of spelling...mixed on the internet but it was $650...yeah, my car isn't worth that much....and it needs about $650 put it in if I"m going to keep it and that's just for we don't have that sitting in any bank account anywhere in our names.

We'll take time and wait and watch and see how we feel and if what we'd like to get, as in a small dog, comes along or not.

Right now I almost feel guilty thinking of getting another dog. Maybe that's silly as Honey Bear won't know but it's a feeling that is there.

Thank you

21 Aug, 2009


would you maybe have a think about getting a rescue dog. my 2 came from the pound and they are so loving and loyal

21 Aug, 2009


I'm so sorry Annette.

21 Aug, 2009


Thanks Mamagem.

Irish -- We phoned our animal rescue place here and they have strick rules of giving out pets. They have to get intouch with our vet we have to make sure we had regular check ups and yearly rabie shots done.
We didn't get either with Honey Bear. She was always so healthy and a house dog and we were outside with her as we don't have a fenced in back yard. So we didn't get yearly rabie shots....but it is law here.

When we first moved to this city back in July 2001 we went to the animal rescue to get a cat. My boyfriend moved down here from a place a 4 hour drive away and he hadn't had a dog in a couple years. I had left my ex March of 2000 and lived in a town called Delhi, then in Tillsonburg, then a different place in Tillsonburg and I didn't tell them I had a dog and I hadn't had a cat in 1 1/2 we didn't give them any vet's name to check with on us.
We paid $103 for our cat from there, already fixed, first needles and the chip in her ear for ID.

Now we have cats, but they are inside cats, or they go out on their leashes, but we are always out there with them and they don't go out unless we do. So I don't get their rabie shots.....but, it is law here that you have to, even if your cat is an inside cat and never goes out at all.

So if we wanted to get a dog from them, we have to give them our vet's name so they can phone and make sure we had Honey Bear in there on a regular basis....which we didn't.
Also since we got our cat from there, we are in their records and they'd want to phone the vet to see if the cat we got from them 6 years ago was in regulary to a vet.

So we can't get one from there. They would say we don't qualify as good owners because of this.
Honey Bear was always ok. I think I had her in there 3 times in her life and I can't remember why, nothing ever serious though.
Our cats are fine, if anything was wrong at all we'd take them in....But we never got the rabies shot every year.

When I did have Honey Bear into the vet they'd always tell me I should get this and that done, like the heartworm check and checks for other sicknesses and diseases, which, of course were very expensive. When I declined I had to sign forms saying that I declined care for my dog by not getting it done...I always thought that the way the forms were worded was to make me feel quilty.


22 Aug, 2009


I'm so sorry to hear about Honey Bear. She looks to have been a lovely companion for you. My thoughts are with you at this time.

23 Aug, 2009


Thank you Silverbelle.

23 Aug, 2009


It's so sad when you lose such a close friend. I've been through it and I know it takes time to heal properly. Don't try and rush things Shaylaina, give yourself time. You will, in time, find another companion, but no-one will ever take the place of Honey Bear. I know she was so special.

23 Aug, 2009


Thank you
I'm a bit torn right now about getting another dog. As the women I do 90% if not 95% of the work invovled in having a pet. My one daughter will be 19 in another 2 weeks and she is working and has a boyfriend and her other friends and is gone a lot. My 14 year old is going into high school and volunteers at the animal hospital. My boyfriend works and when he isn't he is out and about a lot with his guy friends working on cars and going to car shows or where ever, out last night 7pm until midnight playing cards with the guys.
It's tough not having Honey Bear here and if I could have, I'd have taken 10 years off her life and still had her here with me. But I am the one whose life changes with a new dog, everyone else just does their stuff and it's me who worries about her being here alone and feeding her and picking up the poo.
So we'll wait and see.
I've had dogs since the day I was born and so has my boyfriend, so it is a hard decision. They are worth the work involved for the joy they bring, then again I have a bit more freedom without one. My life chances completely if we get one. My two daughters will still do their thing with school, work and friends. My boyfriend will still do his stuff with work, his friends, buddies, his cars and so on.
I was the one who 90% of the time let Honey Bear out. My boyfriend watched tv and has his computer beside his chair and plays online poker. I'm the one who feeds and waters them and picks up the poo.
So I have to think about it. It's great for them to say they want another one.
But I've always have had dogs and they are a great companion.

I've been doing better. Seeing dog food in the stores still hits me. Last night I woke up at 5am, as I always got up some time between 3am and 5am to let Honey bear out. I had to get up. I went outside and sat on our back step and had a cry.

Thank you.

23 Aug, 2009


I'm so sorry to hear your news. After so many years of being with Honey it must be a really awful time for you at the moment. Pets are a big part of our lives.

23 Aug, 2009


I just finished watching some tv and if Honey Bear was here she would have got up, as soon as I got up and I would have let her out. So that huge, empty feeling hit me and I just cleared myself up from crying.
I keep feeling guilty. A friend of mine lost her mom to emphasema and then her brother died of cancer in the same year. Another friend lost her mom too. My mom lost her first born boy at the age of 3 when he drowned. I feel guilty for crying so much over Honey Bear.
I know I don't need to as deaths are all on different levels of love.
I grieved when my Grandma died and when my Aunt Kay got cancer suddenly and died 8 months later.
I tell myself that I have a right to grieve Honey Bear too without the guilt.
Pets are such a part of our every day routine, like kids. Accept dogs listen even better, always wanting to please us.
This is only the 4th day, I tell myself that. Of course I'm going to feel the emptiness of her not here at my feet constantly. I'd be outside with her right now if she was here. It's so quiet right now. My boyfriend has gone out and the kids are out, it was so often her and I here and her bed is gone from the livingroom and it's gone from the bedroom and it's just a lost, empty feeling not having her laying at my feet while I'm on the computer.

Thanks everyone

23 Aug, 2009


Please try not to feel guilty. A loss is a loss whether it's a human or an animal that you loved. The emptyness is still there just the same, and it is real.

Cry when you need to. I do. It helps to release tension.
I lost my mother a few weeks ago. She had been staying here with me for 2 yrs and now the place is empty and quiet. It's a horrible feeling and it was just as bad when my old cat died. I don't feel guilty about that. Fluffy was 22 yrs old and like a child.

You must try and accept your grief. If you make yourself feel guilty you have that to cope with aswell as the grief. All the other deaths have happened . There's nothing you can do about them. Feeling guilty will not change anything. Just go along with all your feelings now. They are real and it's best to accept them.

23 Aug, 2009


Thank you.
I'm sorry to hear about your mom.
I realize that has to be a huge change of your every day life and a horrible loss.

Even when I worked in a retirement lodge, I'd wash and change and dress somone every day. Help them go to the bathroom...everything in their day to day life. I'd do this with someone for a year or so and then one day they'd be gone. It was like...I don't know how to describe it, almost like a head game going on with the mind...Now they are here, now they are gone. How can they be gone, I just fed and changed her and dressed her. It's hard for the mind to handle.

I was always going to have 3 kids. Back then, at that time I wanted 3 girls. Once I got Honey Bear I felt complete. I didn't feel the need to have another child. She was my 3rd girl along with my other 2 girls. I raised her and potty trained her and walked her and took her to the park all the time. We had a little trailer we'd hook up behind our bikes and take us with us. We went for long bike rides back then. We had a little car seat screwed down for our youngest and Honey Bear sat in there beside her. We'd ride all over town and everyone would say "look at the dog"

When we walked down to the library I'd take her inside with us. I'd take my daughter, Cambria out of the baby stroller and Honey Bear would jump in and she'd lay there in the stroller inside the door. Everyone loved her and talked about her and the library called her their mascot.

They really are a part of our every day life...and foot warmer is gone now.
She always slept down around my feet, some times curled up beside me, but when I was working nights she'd sleep with Cambria and when I came home she'd always be fully stretched out along beside Cambria's body.
Maybe I moved around too much in the night for her to be able to do that. I don't know.

Thank you

23 Aug, 2009


It's nice to hear you talk about Honey Bear. She was a real character. No wonder you're grieving so much.
I think all animals have their own personalities and when they die all that is lost. They leave such a big hole in our lives.

23 Aug, 2009


3 days. I keep thinking this is the 4th day since she has been gone, but it was Thursday.
The vet was great. He walked around outside with Honey Bear and my boyfriend, letter Honey Bear sniff around and letting my boyfriend get ready. My boyfriend, Dan, then put her in the backseat of his car and had one arm under her neck petting her and his other hand petting her. No need to make her lay down or hold her or anything, just sitting in the back seat with her, the two back doors open and the windows all open. The vet leaned in the other side and gave her the needle. Dan said she dropped instantly into his arms, her eyes still open.
So we need to write the vet and thank him for his patience and for coming out to the car and not making her go inside as she would have been upset going inside and nervous.

She was a quiet, easy to train dog. That's why she sat in the stroller in the library so well, just layed there and waited for us, watching us and watching everyone come in.

It does help to talk about her and I thank you.
The house is still so quiet, wow, huge change. Every where I go around the house I can't believe she isn't sitting there looking at me, watching me, following me. I want to pet her so badly and have her look into my eyes so much. She was a real eye contact kind of dog.


23 Aug, 2009


It's so sad having to take them to the vet. It's something I dread. Luckilly Fluffy died in the garden one day so I didn't have to take her. How old was Honey Bear ?
It was very kind of the vet to go outside. Much less distressing for her that way. Yes it would be nice of you to write and thank him.

23 Aug, 2009


I sort of hoped Honey Bear would just go in her sleep too.
It's hare both either way, but would have been easier in some ways.
She was born in Feb. of 1994. We got her in April of 1994.
So right around 15 1/2 years old.
For some reason I can remember getting her in April of 94, then getting pregnant with my 2nd daughter in July of 94.

I can't remember what I did last weekend or where my car keys are, but I can remember

My daughter, Cambria is home now and Dan is here.
Thank you so much. :)

24 Aug, 2009


Hello. - I hope you're not too bad now. I went to sleep lol. It was very late here.

It's 5 a.m. now so I suppose it's about bed time with you. Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow.
Take care,

24 Aug, 2009


Shaylaina I am so sorry for you and your family and of course for honeybear, I know what you are going through as I have just recently had to do the same for my Casper, her back quarters were paralysed and it was a kinder thing to do than let her suffer, I am writing with tears in my eyes, my thoughts are with you.
Bob xxx

30 Aug, 2009


Hi Bob

I'm sorry also to hear about Casper.
They are a child and member of the family and involve our every day life and when they are gone it leaves a hole and something missing.
I'm doing better now, but every day there are a ton of reminders that she isn't here. After 15 years it's so odd to throw the little scraps away from supper and not have her here to give them to her. Many things are odd because we think of them so much with our day to day activities and now they aren't here.
My thoughts are with you too and thank you.

30 Aug, 2009

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