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No Gardening For (Pirate) Paul Next Week.


Hello everyone.just thought it may be of interest and raise a smile to show you what I’ll be doing next week. It won’t be gardening, although, I did one customer’s garden this week…mainly leaf clearing but also managed to cut their large lawn as it’s been so dry here for the last week.
But, being a gardener, it is useful to have another string to my bow and as some of you already know, I dress up in a red suit and a fake beard etc in December(I have donr for 5 years now) but, as a spin off from this, I now get some other character work. very useful in the winter when not much money to be earned from gardening.
My entertainer son who also works as a sales manager for an events/entertainment company, is the one who gets me my bookings in December.But, his mate, (also his boss)who happens to be a millionaire businessman(and he’s still only 29) acquired a long lease 2 years ago on a farm park attraction.It is owned and was previously run by Essex County Council.The site is called Marsh Farm Animal Adventure park. The new owner has turned the attraction around , adding many new features and he has lots of themed events on throughout the year.
For my sins……at seem to be one of the regular walkabout entertainers.whether it be The Mad Hatter at Easter,a wizard at Halloween etc etc.
Well, this coming half term week 16 th to 20th is ‘Pirates Week’ and I’ll be team g up witha couple other pirates to entertain……I tell you, it beats working for a living haha….
Meet Captain Blackfoot; E’s ‘orrible…..yes, I’ve even made my own catchphrase!!

This photo ,of a promotional poster, features a picture from last year’s event.One of the regular visitors to the farm, Keith, loves having his pic taken with all the characters. Everyone who works on the farm knows him and his nan who takes all the great photos!

I was a little stunned when this arrived by email a few days ago……’s a script for a little show we are doing called ‘Pirate Training’ .Well, I haven’t had a script to learn since 1974 for the school production…ha ha. And, don’t laugh, I’ve got to go to the farm theatre for a rehearsal tomorrow!! I’m coming over all thespian like!!!

And now, it seems, I’m to be entertaining during breakfast at Tillie’s Tearoom…..I can’t say I’ve ever had my photograph next to one of a full English breakfast before.

A few more photos from another event at the farm, last summer

I have to say, it’s incredible to get the opportunity to do this at such a late time of my life, but, I’m so glad the opportunity has arisen….better late than never as someone once said. I even get to go to other outside events such as weddings,birthday parties, corporate events.I consider myself very lucky but have to keep pinching myself to make sure it’s real…..
And, who knows, I may be able to say that I ‘acted’ alongside a star (at some point in the future) as I have learned today that Amy, a young lady who studies at a local theatrical/dance college and who who is due to be at the farm as another pirate, can’t come Monday or Tuesday as she’s rehearsing for an appearance on Ant and Decs Saturday Takeaway!!!!! She’s a lovely girl and we hit it off so well, bouncing off each other with our funny(we hoped) lines when we worked together as a witch and wizard last October!! I hope she gets a break in show business!!!

So, pray for dry weather and sunshine next week in South Woodham Ferrers, Essex please!
I hope you’ve enjoyed this strange blog….just goes to show, we never now where our lives may lead us!
Happy gardening…….or pirating,or whatever you may be doing!!


More blog posts by paulspatch

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Aye, Aye captain.

13 Feb, 2015



13 Feb, 2015


What are you like,Paul?? Lol..but what a great time you and the children will have..My Grandson would just love that,as he is very Pirate orientated at the moment..I hope it all goes well,and it keeps fine for you..Just don't get egg on your face,stick to a bacon Buttie instead ! Lol good luck :o)

13 Feb, 2015


Have fun Paul and beware of all children with plastic swords or even worse, catapults!!!

13 Feb, 2015


Oh Paul that all looks like such fun! Hope all goes well and the weather stays fine...and you don't forget your lines! I just wish I could join you :)

13 Feb, 2015


Egg on my face....ha ha ..I think you mean 'cackle fruit' Bloomer(pirate for egg)
Yes, he frightens me when I look in the mirror Snoop!
I've had many a sword fight with a child with a plastic sword, Wildrose....but I have to be careful because my sword is steel, very heavy, and has a very sharp point!
Forecast doesn't look too bad for February, Waddy...but there's a huge indoor play area there so , if everybody goes in there, then so will I, and our show is indoors 4 times a day.
Can't promise I won't forget my lines.....I'm afraid my memory isn't that great now!! But, I'm sure I'll 'blag it' , as they say!

13 Feb, 2015


You really love this work don't you pAul...and you really do make a convincing Pirate!

13 Feb, 2015


I do......doesn't hurt my back so much as gardening either Karen!

13 Feb, 2015


:) well, hopefully not...but it does look quite physical, so take care and keep your core muscles pulled well in when brandishing the cutlass! Lol!

13 Feb, 2015


The guy who owns the place keeps asking me to get the point blunted but I like to see him cringe everytIme I swing the sword around!

13 Feb, 2015


I have visions of the GOY Garden Pirate digging away singing.....Fifteen canna tubers on a dead mans chest, YO-HO-HO! and a bottle of, the bottle is empty.....HIC! :/

14 Feb, 2015


You make a great pirate...oh arrr

14 Feb, 2015


Thanks.....I shant sing,Loosestrife.I look frightening enough as it is!!!!
Thanks Sandra...Aaaaaaaarr!!

14 Feb, 2015


Well, shiver me timbers, from Santa to a Pirate! I love your costumes Paul, must be hard to source, or are they home made? Have a lovely time next week and mind that sword!

14 Feb, 2015


Have fun Paul, 🐦hope the sun shines for you....🌞

14 Feb, 2015


Here's hoping the sun shines on you Paul. My grandchildren would love this. They are really into pirates just now. Pity it's so far away. I love the wizard and witch costumes myself though...good luck and I hope you have a great time. So nice to have a job that doesn't really feel like a job and that you really like doing.:o))

14 Feb, 2015


Thanks Homebird,Pam and Shirley....I think the sun is due to shine Tuesday but dry most of the week too.
The pirate costume was bought from various (LARP) websites.this is where the reanactment people buy costumes. Very expensive but most of it is very authentic looking. Footwear is particularly difficult to source and ridiculously expensive.
The Wizard cloak , hat and tunic were made in velvet by Julie but her 40 year old sewing machine broke(beyond repair ) whilst making it so we had to buy another(but a second hand one this time) the wooden staff was a peice of driftwood that I bought on EBay .The beard/moustache/wig cost me £725 to have made....I hope I get a lot more work as a Wizard as I haven't even paid for it yet with the income from wizard bookings.

14 Feb, 2015


It looks like a fun time in store for you Paul, I hope the weather is good and that the farm gets a lot of visitors, good luck learning your lines, I feel sure you'll manage even if you do have to adlib a few times, off the cuff often gets the best response as it adds to the fun aspect..
I love the costumes........

15 Feb, 2015


Thanks...yes, I've already had to change some bits of the script as the young lad whose written it has made my character a baddie.........I don't mind playing a baddie, it's good fun but, I'm also aware that there are a lot of very small children at the farm and so ,an all out villain really wouldn't work.I don't want them to be afraid of my character as I'll be walking around the farm when not doing the show!!

15 Feb, 2015


You have many strings to your bow :o)
I hope the weather will be good for you ...

15 Feb, 2015


Oh well done Julie for making the Wizard outfit ... just a shame the sewing machine broke! Shocking price for the hair though ... :o(

16 Feb, 2015


Ok weather today Hywel......dull but dry!
Rain later n the week I think.

16 Feb, 2015


That's good ... and maybe the forecast is wrong. They often are :o)

17 Feb, 2015


To think it all started with a Scare crow he he, you never know you could end up in a new Wizard of Oz or even Father Christmas comes to town film or Gandolf, or better still a new character in Captain Pugwash lol lol .

I bet you did nt tell them you got your name Captain Black foot from gardening with out shoes Ha ha he he. You could always get the parrot to learn the lines you forget lol.

Julie did a fine job of the Wizzards costume looks great. Your Grahame what wonderful son getting you parts like this
I hope all goes well for you Paul, hope to see you on tv soon.

20 Feb, 2015


Thanks 3d....yes it was a great week rain and very cold Thursday...dull, just a little drizzle today but Tuesday and We'd were glorious days.
We Pirates were very well received...the public loved the show and we got loads of good reviews! The best one has just bee put on Trip Adviser and it refers to me and one of the other Pirates being excellent etc etc but it the reviewer said she's been to Disney World Florida many times and she believes we were as good a standard as the characters there......that'll do for me!, feeling quite chuffed, at the moment!!

20 Feb, 2015


Brilliant Paul to think your as good as disney wow, I hope you go far with this acting and your costume events fingers crossed for you hope you rake in the money to finishing paying for your wig and beard in stead of raking grass, it would be a better life for you and Julie. X

21 Feb, 2015


Don't think it'll go much further than it is now, Dawn, but, I'm happy doing what I'm doing and just a little gardening.
My son and his boss are now talking about putting, me on their website as a kids party entertainer as well as just the walkabout stuff. That would be good but will have to work out a few routines, games, dances etc etc . And, as usual, I'll have to spend out before I get any bookings(a PA system,props, cases for carrying it all around etc etc.

22 Feb, 2015


I hope it goes further for you Paul, its good of your son and his boss putting you on a party list, would nt it be cheaper to rent the costumes or props etc.

Julie could go around the charity or second hand shops to see if they have old costumes props or even some thing cheap on ebay .

You ll have to join the magic circle Paul with all that learning lol.
You could always check out on the net what others do at party s. Good luck my friend.

23 Feb, 2015


No....Renting is very expensive and not an option.
I do look on ebay/charity shops etc for props and small additions to costumes but not the costumes themselves.
Just found out today that I have 4 more dates at the farm as my Wizard character on 2 Harry Potter weekends in March. They have a Harry Potter and a Dumbledore lookalike.

23 Feb, 2015


Thats great Paul as long as the jobs keep coming, what about auction rooms for your things I would imagine they would be cheap I would think not many would be interested in props at acution rooms.

23 Feb, 2015


Never looked...maybe worth a look if I need a new costume!

23 Feb, 2015


Try typing into google Paul you might find an aution props for parties in there.

24 Feb, 2015

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